


The Thing With Love Is...

by ehuhcs_relttub_12_42_30



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/M, John is not a nice guy, Mary feeling guilty, Mary is pregnant, Pining Sherlock Holmes, soft sherlock
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-07-23 05:51:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16152917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ehuhcs_relttub_12_42_30/pseuds/ehuhcs_relttub_12_42_30
Summary: After John finds out about Mary's true past he isn‘t as forgiving as he is in the show.Basically everything happens as it does in Season 3 up to the aftermath of the shooting.Warning: John is not a good husband and Sherlock falls in love





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that none of these characters are my own (except for a few minor ones) and I am not claiming any rights on them. 
> 
> Also english is not my first language so pls forgive any mistakes.

 

He really wasn't sure how any of this had happened, he only knew that now was a little late to change things. God, he never thought he would ever find himself in such a situation. He never thought he would ever fall in love with someone but least of all he would have imagined this person to be his best friend's bride-to-be. How the hell did this happen?!

Well, the first time he saw her he did not really pay a lot of attention to her. He was mostly worried about John and his rather violent looking reaction to his admittedly rather shocking news of still being alive. The only thing he did notice about her was that she actually cared a lot about John which was something that automatically put her in the „tolerable" section of his mind palace. And when she then even actively took his side saying that thing about him needing a confidant and later offering to talk John around, to put Sherlock back in his good graces, she had already progressed to the „friendly" section. His attraction to her had probably already started there without him noticing making him blind to his own deductions about her. Otherwise he might have noticed the Liar he had deduced her to be. But he didn't. 

Later, when he was eating his long craved fish and chips, Mary came running into his flat showing him that text she got. 

„At first I thought it was just a bible thing, you know, spam but it's not, it's a skip code" 

He looked at her in utter surprise. He had known she was above average intelligence on their first meeting but to recognize a skip code, it took a lot of cleverness and also some practice. However, once again he ignored the rather obvious sign of her being something more that just a part time nurse in favour of concentrating on what she was actually telling him.

„first word then every third .... Save John Watson St James The Less"

John! He had to say that he had not been this scared in a long time. He had just gotten John back, he was not going to lose him again. So for the moment he forgot about Mary and her skip code.  
Although when they sat on the motorcycle he could not help it but to notice how nice it felt to have her arms around him, her front pressed to his back.  
But he dismissed it as his body enjoying just any touch at the moment because it had been deprived of it for so long.

But, really, he should have paid more attention to those little signs because then maybe the outcome could have been changed to the better. 

Well, the next time he saw her, he was back in his familiar atmosphere. John was there, having forgiven him, Mrs Hudson was talking about the wedding with Mary and Lestrade was also there in one of the chairs quietly sipping his champaign. She had by then already been moved into the „friend" group in his mind and he had not even really noticed her fast progression. Well, it had been the same with John, so he had not thought it too peculiar.  
„You will be there, Sherlock" 

„Hm weddings... not really my thing" and he gave her a little wink. 

And then, ever so slowly, it had happened. She had bit by bit made her way into his heart until, when he finally noticed what was happening to him, it was already much too late. 

He first noticed something that day he broke out of the hospital after being shot by her. He should have been furious or scared or at least feel betrayed by her. But he felt none of these things. He actually turned things around to her saving him by calling the ambulance and completely left out the part where she actually shot him to make him need the ambulance. At first he thought he was only being this forgiving and blind because he wanted John to think that way about her and for them to not break apart. But then, suddenly, after he was back in the hospital he realised that he had really forgiven her. That he hadn't felt any fear when she had made that perfect shot through the coin because even though she had already shot him once, somehow he did not believe she was going to do it again. But why? There was a voice in his mind giving the answer but he ignored it.  
Just in that moment the object of his musings came through the door. Mary looked worn out and very tense. She did not look at him again after a first glance to see if he was awake. Was she afraid of something? Everything in her stance and behaviour pointed to that. But what would she be afraid of?  
„Mary?"  
She just looked at him. And then suddenly she burst into tears in front of him.  
„Mary? Are you feeling alright? Is it the baby?"  
She wiped at her eyes with her coat sleeve and then finally looked at him again having turned away when the first tears had come.  
„Yes, yes I'm alright" she sniffed slightly. „I'm just so glad that you are talking to me, that you haven't thrown me out yet"  
„Why would I throw you out?"  
„Sherlock, I shot you. You should be furious, you should be yelling at me"  
„There is no reason to. What you did is done and no amount of yelling is going to change that. Besides, I am alive and out of this hospital soon. I'm not mad at you. I can understand why you did it. Although I hope next time you will accept my help sooner rather than hospitalising me first"  
She just nodded and came closer to sit down on the chair beside Sherlock's bed.  
„I will, I promise. I just I thought that- no I don't actually know what I was thinking. I guess I am not really used to having people to talk to"  
Sherlock nodded. He knew the feeling quite well. Before he'd met John he had also been alone all the time and not really trusted anyone. That was the thing with Mary, he could understand her very well. He could relate to her. For him, the revelation of her having been an assassin actually made her more interesting and intriguing, made him even more attracted to her. Wait, attracted? He wasn't attracted to her, was he? No, he couldn't be.  
„I really am so so sorry for doing this to you. You don't know how much it means to me that you are still talking to me"  
„It's alright"  
He smiled a little and she smiled back, fresh tears welling up in her eyes. And for some reason he found himself feeling proud for putting that smile there.  
For a while they just sat there lost in their thoughts until Sherlock suddenly asked: „How is John doing?" 

Her content and happy expression immediately fell and pain flashed across her face. From that only, Sherlock could tell that against his hopes things were not better between the two.  
„He is not talking to me at all. Mostly he is not even at home. I think he may be considering moving out. Wouldn't surprise me if he asked to move back in with you in a few days"  
„Oh" was the only thing that came across his lips. He had thought that John would not be able to forgive her immediately, that he felt slightly betrayed but that he was so angry he had not imagined.  
She lowered her head and he could see a few tears drop to his mattress before hearing her sob.  
„And - and I can't even blame him - I mean - I lied to him - he has no reason to ever trust me again. I'm going to" sob „I'm going to lose him" sob „and - and it's all my fault" 

At first Sherlock was at a complete loss of what to do. He was not good with people, especially not when they were upset. But then he looked back at her and felt his heart clench at the sight of her sobbing form. He knew that people usually hugged the other in such a situation but given that he was currently laying in a hospital bed and was under strict orders not to strain himself he dismissed that idea again. So slowly, as if not to startle her, he took her hand and squeezed it in what he hoped to be a reassuring way. And in an effort to calm her down further, he said: „I know John. I know he tends to feel betrayed easily and when he does he gets extremely angry. But that is his way of coping with these things. He overreacts in the beginning but once it is out of his system he can forgive you easily. I know he loves you, Mary, and not even this can change it"

At that, she slowly looked at him with red eyes and he smiled.  
„He will come around, I promise you"

Still sniffling a bit she asked him: „Why are you being so nice to me?"

„Because you did the same for me, remember? When John was really angry at me after I came back and you said you would talk him around. And you did. I never told you how grateful I am for that, did I?"

„You didn't have to" she smiled again through drying tears.  
„Now, I will get myself something to eat and you should rest. You're still not healed and I really should not be keeping you awake. I'll see you soon"  
With that she gave his hand that was still holding hers a tight squeeze, kissed him lightly on the forehead and left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

A few weeks and visits from John, Mary, Lestrade, Molly and his parents later, Sherlock was released from the hospital. He was still not back to his former strength but he was on a good way. Just as the doctors told him he was free to go, John came into his room.  
„Hey", he said.  
„Hi", Sherlock replied.  
„So you're free again?"  
„Yes, finally. I could have left this hospital ages ago"  
„Hm, yeah, I was kind of expecting you to have escaped again two weeks ago"  
They shared a little laugh at that.  
„So you're still staying at Baker Street?", Sherlock asked.  
„Yes, for now"  
„Have you talked to Mary at all?"  
„No. I can't face her"  
„You will have to face her eventually though"  
„I know. But not just yet"  
Sherlock looked at him disapprovingly. He understood that John needed his time to come to terms with everything that had transpired about his wife but it had been almost a month now and nothing had happened. He was the one who got shot for god's sakes. If he could forgive Mary, why couldn't John? 

While thinking this he was slowly getting dressed in the clothes Mycroft had had sent over. God, it felt so good to finally be dressed like himself again. 

John and Sherlock silently drove to Baker Street and as soon as they were inside the door, they were assaulted by Mrs Hudson who pulled Sherlock into a tight hug.  
„Oh Sherlock, I'm so glad you're better. The house was too quiet without you around. I'll bring up some tea and biscuits in a minute"

She smiled at him and then was off towards her flat to collect said food.  
................................................................

A few days later Sherlock was well settled back in the flat. It was a bit strange but comforting to have John back there. It seemed almost like old times. They bantered and he took some cases that didn't require him to leave the flat. But there was always something like a shadow over their interactions. John became quiet or angry whenever Sherlock tried to subtly mention the topic of Mary and he had not made any progress in trying to get John to finally talk to her or at least face the problem in his own head instead of ignoring it. He had also not seen Mary in almost two weeks. She had kept away from the hospital after an awkward visit when she and John had come at the same time and he had not seen her since he was out.  
That was why he decided to go and visit her while John was at work. He tried to tell himself he was only wanting to see her because she was his friend but he hadn't missed John that much when they had not seen each other for a whole month. So why was he itching to see her? Why was he thinking about her so often and trying to get John to talk about her with him? Well, that last one was easily explained away with the open case she represented. But that first thing? He decided to ignore the matter for now.

When Mary opened the door to the house she never expected Sherlock to stand on the other side. Yes, he had forgiven her, but that did not mean that he would come and visit her for no obvious reason other than checking if she was okay. She had thought that with John back at Baker Street, Sherlock would be over the moon even if he wouldn't show it. But here he was, smiling down at her.  
She must have been staring quite obviously at him because he laughed:  
„Is me visiting so unexpected?"

She shook herself out of her stupor and joked:  
„Well, I just never took you to be the visiting type, Sherlock. But since you are here, you might as well come in"

He followed her down the corridor into the living room, rid himself of his coat and draped it over an armchair. After sitting down and accepting the cup of tea Mary was holding out to him, he asked:  
„How have you been, Mary? How's the baby?"  
„Oh, I haven't been doing too badly. A bit of morning sickness but all in all it's been a very uneventful start of the pregnancy. Are you feeling better?"  
„Glad to hear it. Yes, I'm feeling better every day"  
The conversation ceased a bit after that. They were both not really ones for small talk and usually they got on really well but today she seemed to be lost in thoughts. She had sat down on the sofa opposite of him and was fiddling with her wedding ring. He knew instantly what or rather who she was thinking about. He really had no good news for her in that department but he still wanted to reassure her that he was trying.  
„He will come back eventually, you know? He just still needs time. This whole thing has quite overwhelmed him, I think"  
„Yes, I know. But he hasn't acknowledged me or attempted to talk to me once in a whole month. Like I said it hasn't been a very eventful pregnancy yet and I haven't even had an important doctors appointment but still I cannot help but think that he is missing so much"  
„He will be there for the important things, Mary. I know him. He would not leave you alone in this"  
She nodded but did not look very confident and at that moment Sherlock felt a wave of protectiveness wash over him. He simply could not imagine her going through all of this alone. No, she would not be alone. Even if John decided to stay away, Sherlock knew in that moment that he would be there for Mary. He would take her to the doctors and to her birthing class and even go baby shopping with her if it kept her happy. And he would not do it because he felt he had to but he would do it willingly. Hell, thinking about it, he realised he would probably even be enjoying it.  
„You won't be alone in this, I promise. Even if John should for any reason keep his distance, I'll be there for you. I made a vow on your wedding day and I do intend to keep it"  
She was now looking at him with big eyes and then her shock morphed into joy and her face lit up. He felt his heart jump at seeing her smile so widely knowing that he was the one to put that smile there. And a matching smile made his way to his own face.  
„Thank you, Sherlock. You really are a true friend"  
He had no reply to that so instead he took her hands, which were folded on her knees, in his and squeezed them.  
God, he really was being overly sentimental lately.


	3. Chapter 3

Almost another month had passed now since the break in into Magnussen's office and Sherlock was slowly becoming frustrated. John had not made a single move towards Mary. He still did not want to talk to her or about her. By now, he himself was visiting her regularly at least once or twice a week. Sometimes more. They always met at the Watson house and usually they stayed in, watching some movie that Mary convinced him to try out and he only sat through to appease her. Or they would discuss his latest case or experiment and on very rare occasions they would tell each other about their adventures/ missions of their past life or in Sherlock's case afterlife. He was reluctant to admit it but Sherlock was actually enjoying their time together very much. He had never had someone to whom he could talk to about absolutely everything and be understood. Or more specifically, he had never wanted to do that with anyone. But with Mary he felt different. He felt like himself but somehow also a completely different, more emotional and caring person than he usually was.  
She was so much like him: clever, adventurous, curious and attracted to danger but then again so unlike him in a way. She was more emotional, caring and gentle. She had no problems fitting into society and making friends and usually she seemed to always have a smile on her face and practically radiate happiness. 

He had noticed that it was getting harder and harder to leave her every time and that the protectiveness he had felt for her had also continued to grow. He was now more often thinking about her than not when he didn't have a case and had found himself anticipating their next meeting.  
Francly, he had no idea what was going on with him but no desire to actively examine himself and his growing feelings. For some reason he had this idea that when he tried to ignore them, they would go away. But of course that is not at all how these things work.

One evening ,while they were eating the dinner Mary had made for them, she told him that she would have her first ultrasound three days from then and he had promised her to try and convince John to go with her.  
However, that was now two days ago and Sherlock still had not been able to actually ask John about it because every time he approached the subject of Mary, John would tell him that he still needed time and that he should for God's sakes leave that topic alone because John would do something about it when he felt ready to. Sherlock was starting to think that would never happen. 

After he and John had just finished a rather thrilling case by chasing after a monkey in the London zoo, he decided to try it one last time and not let himself be cut off before he had said everything.

„You know, Mary said she"-  
„Sherlock, how many times, I don't want to hear about her"  
„she has an ultrasound tomorrow"  
John turned his head away and Sherlock knew he was thrown off guard by how much time had passed since John had last seen his wife.  
„She wants you to be there", he said watching for his friend's reaction. When he said nothing, Sherlock took it as a good sign because at least he wasn't protesting. 

„She needs you, John" 

John clenched his jaw and looked at Sherlock with a venom in his eyes that Sherlock had never seen before. And here he was, thinking that he had made progress. Instead he had made John mad at him somehow. 

„Why, she has you now to cater to her every whim. Why would she still need me, hm?", John practically spat the words out. 

Oh, Sherlock thought, that was why John was so upset; he thought that Sherlock was trying to replace him. Which somehow was a good sign because it meant that John still in some way cared for Mary.

„ John, I'm only spending so much time with her because you, the person she really needs, are denying her of your presence", Sherlock said, not quite as calmly as he had planned.

„Yes, as you should be doing", John shouted angrily. 

„Why? She is my friend, John. I vowed to be there for her no matter what as did you, as a matter of fact. On your WEDDING day! She is your bloody wife!"

„She is not my wife. I married Mary Morstan that day, but that is not who she is, is it!" John was practically spitting the words out. 

„Well, who is she then?", Sherlock retorted with barely controlled fury. 

„She is some assassin woman who pretends to be someone who is dead. She has been lying to me from the beginning and to top it off, she tried to kill my best friend! Tell me just one reason why I should still be with her"

„Because you love her, for once! Or at least you used to. Is that not a good enough reason?"

„Who are you to lecture me about what it means to love someone?! You are completely incapable of the emotion! You have no idea what this feels like so kindly stop pretending that you are and leave me alone!" 

And with that, John Watson, the friend Sherlock had once thought he knew like the back of his own hand, walked away from him.  
Sherlock watched him go and thought that no, John was wrong. He was slowly starting to get a pretty good idea of the feeling of love. 

...............................................................

When Sherlock arrived at the clinic, he could instantly see the disappointment and grief on Mary's face as soon as she realised that he had come alone. He sat down beside her in the waiting room and looked at her sadly.

„I'm sorry, Mary. I thought I knew him but it seems I have for once been wrong"

She just smiled and tried to play it off as not important but Sherlock could see the underlying sadness all the same. 

„I'm glad you're here, Sherlock"

He took her hand in his and she interlaced their fingers. Then he looked up at her. 

„I'm glad I am, too", he said fondly. 

That way they sat until the nurse called them in.  
As soon as they stood up their still joined hands separated and Sherlock immediately felt the loss of hers.

When they were inside the examination room, Sherlock was greeted as the father and even though he and Mary cleared up this misunderstanding and explained that he was a friend, Sherlock felt a slight twinge. He could not help imagining what this would be like if he really was Mary's husband, the father of her child. He would be the one to lay a protective and loving hand on her stomach while they kissed, would be the one to hold her hand during birth, to hold their beautiful child. And in that moment, when Mary smiled at him excitedly from her place on the table, he realised he really wanted all this. He wanted a domestic life and marriage and children and he wanted all this with Mary. Oh god, was he in love with her? He was, wasn't he? He was in bloody love with his best friend's wife. The universe must really hate him.


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of the appointment passed without Sherlock noticing much of it. He was still too shocked by the revelation about his feelings to actually pay much attention to what was said. The only time when he was jerked out of his musings was when Mary grabbed his hand in pure excitement as she was about to see her child for the very first time. 

He, then, as well looked at the monitor and was overwhelmed by what he saw. It was just a darker area on the screen, really, but still, it was beautiful. It was the first proof of a life, that was growing inside of Mary. He watched the moving dark area a little closer and suddenly noticed a shape, that could only be the head of the baby. 

His hand tightened automatically around Mary's and she turned her head to him so that he could see her teary grin. And wholly of its own volition an answering smile spread over his own face. He was in deep.

..............................

When they made their way to the street Mary linked her arm through his and his heartbeat went viral. He didn't think his pulse had ever been this high and he prayed that she wouldn't notice.   
He flagged down a cab for them, told the driver her address and then the ride began. Mary asked him about his latest case and he started to tell her about how he and John had had a visit from an old lady who had been blackmailed by an old friend and how that case had somehow led them to a chase in the zoo. Usually while reviewing any case Sherlock was singularly focused on the telling of his story and not forgetting any details. But now he found himself often distracted by her reactions to what he was saying, especially once, when she, in her excitement, put a hand on his knee. He very nearly let out a gasp at the sudden contact and could not prevent himself from turning his head to her abruptly. She was looking at him with so much glee and excitement that her eyes practically shone with it and he couldn't look away. Her eyes were dark blue pools with some green streaks to them. A bit like his own but much heavier coloured and a lot warmer. While staring into her eyes he felt himself somehow leaning forward, coming closer to her. What would happen if he kissed her now? He sneaked a little peak at her lips and found them to be very entrancingly kissable. Her hand still hadn't moved from its place on his knee, he noticed, and she hadn't yet looked away. Was that a sign that she wanted the same as he did? His blood rushed in his ears so loudly as he prepared to lean in even further that he very nearly missed the driver telling them that they were at the house. 

When it registered in his brain what words his ears had just heard, he jerked back. What the hell had he just been about to do?! Goodness, that would have been a disaster! Actually it would probably have been very nice, he couldn't help but think, but that was beside the point. Because who he had just been about to kiss was John's wife. John's, not his, he reminded himself. 

Mary's voice shook him out of his mind.   
„Are you coming in? I made some cake yesterday and I haven't eaten any of it yet. And we could watch a movie or you tell me the end of that case"

He opened his mouth ready to accept her offer when that near-kiss came to his mind. No, that could not under any circumstances happen again and today he was obviously feeling a bit sentimental and didn't have himself under control. He needed time away from her to sort everything out in his head so he said: 

„I'm very tempted, I admit. But I can't come today. I still have some experiments waiting at Baker Street and I need to file that case away in my mind palace. You know I wouldn't be good company now"

She looked slightly skeptical but nodded and said: 

„Another time, then?"

„Definitely", he replied and gave her a promising smile.

When he arrived at Baker Street he wanted nothing more than to lay down on the sofa with three good nicotine patches and stay in his mind palace for the rest of the day. However, when he opened the door to his flat, he realised that that wasn't going to happen. John was standing there leaning against the back of his chair and looking at him with an unreadable expression. 

Sherlock took off his coat and scarf, hung both up and then turned to John. 

„What?"

„How did it go? The appointment?"

„Oh, it went well, everything is fine with both of them"

„Good. That's good", John nodded and then after a little while he said:   
„Look, Sherlock, I've been thinking"

Sherlock just looked at him expectantly, not daring to say anything out of fear to set John off again. 

„Maybe it would be best if I moved away for a while"

„What?!" This was not what Sherlock had expected to hear. 

„Yes, here, by seeing you and the whole flat really, I am constantly reminded of what she did and I just need to get away from all of these reminders. If I stay here I‘ll never be able to stop hating her for her actions“

„But, John“, Sherlock tried to reason with him, „you can‘t afford it to go away. As I have tried to tell you before: Your wife is pregnant! And before you know it, she is going to give birth to a baby. Your baby. She needs all the support she can get“

„Well, when should I go then? After the baby is born? When it starts teething? It will never be convenient, so now is as good a time as later“, John retorts.   
And after a moment he adds: „Also, I don‘t think that I would be able to look at her and be kind to her. I don‘t even think I could touch her“

And that last bit really made Sherlock‘s blood boil. How could John be so ignorant? How could he be so unforgiving? 

„She is not something disgusting, John! She did not tell you everything about her past and even some lies before your wedding and that was maybe not a nice thing to do. But be honest. With a past like hers, would you have told her? Maybe it was not even about her lack of trust in you but about protecting you by keeping you in the dark“

John only looked at him coldly and then said: 

„Yes, you would understand it, wouldn’t you? Because you did the bloody same to me nearly a year ago! Like I said before: maybe you should be married to her. Because I‘m not really sure anymore that I want to be“

That hurt. So John still hadn‘t completely forgiven him for the Fall even though he had said so. But to not let John see that he had hurt him, Sherlock put his mask on securely. 

„Go, then, if you must“, he said in the same cold tone which John had used,   
„I hope that when you‘ll come back you‘ll be the John Watson again that I once knew“

This time it was Sherlock who turned and walked away. He went into his bedroom and after he had slammed the door, he heard the front door downstairs close and knew that John was gone.   
He sat down heavily on the bed and sighed. Now he would have to think about how to tell Mary about John‘s departure on top of everything else he had to sort out. To the already thoroughly confusing mixture of feelings about the Mary-situation had now been added a whole set of new feelings about John. He was starting to feel a massive headache coming on to him.


End file.
